After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize