I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize