Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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