Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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