Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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