if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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