some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
the raccoons are back...
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