i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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