you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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