I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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