she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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