My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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