i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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