He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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