In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize