Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize