so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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