Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize