just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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