Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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