You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I look better un-naked...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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