she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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