quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize