so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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