I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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