Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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  (714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality. http://tfl.nu/yabq
  Replies (10) Good night (690) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (808) Bad night (2820) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?

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  (847): Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did? http://tfl.nu/wv87
  Replies (37) Good night (4308) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

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  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (73) Good night (15848) Bad night (1016)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.

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  (770): At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night. http://tfl.nu/xigq
  Replies (5) Good night (4389) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

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  (308): What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts? http://tfl.nu/w182
  Replies (21) Good night (8707) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

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  (918): I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1tot
  Replies (16) Good night (3709) Bad night (1047)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.

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  (716): It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead. http://tfl.nu/ixsn
  Replies (3) Good night (2422) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.

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  (606): I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships. http://tfl.nu/4vx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1077) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.

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  (978): Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday. http://tfl.nu/eeh8
  Replies (13) Good night (2663) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.

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  (917): I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside. http://tfl.nu/ng1w
  Replies (3) Good night (761) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship

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  (310): Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship http://tfl.nu/9h2k
  Replies (5) Good night (1455) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.

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  (202): I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects. http://tfl.nu/vyxz
  Replies (2) Good night (635) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.

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  (425): You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows. http://tfl.nu/kzgw
  Replies (1) Good night (715) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?

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  (250): anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you. (1-250): ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine? http://tfl.nu/1018
  Replies (2) Good night (280) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt

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