I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let's paint friendship bongs
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize