Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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