I wish I could punch you in the face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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