So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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