So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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