Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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