how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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