they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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