I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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