I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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