Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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