she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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