That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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