He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize