There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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