You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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