If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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