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so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can text with my tongue
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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