i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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