You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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