Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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