Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize