You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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