Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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